You gotta feel to heal

I once heard grief is like a thumbprint. That no two are alike.

Now, more than ever, I really get that. 

Grief is different for everyone.

Kerry Hanna Coaching grief is like a thumbprint After losing my mother a few months ago, I began my own roller coaster ride of grief.

Sometimes I felt terribly sad. That she, my one and only mother, had permanently left this world. 

I didn’t care that she was almost 92. And had lived a long life. She was still my mother. And she was gone. Forever.

How could that possibly be? It shocked me to my core. And hurt like hell.

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The truth will set you free

The other week I had an epiphany.

It was time for me to tell the truth. The real truth.

I’d been holding onto something that I needed to share. For the sake of my own sanity. And my health.

It’s ironic really.

As a Certified Life Coach it’s the last thing I’d recommend anyone do: hold onto a secret. Especially one that’s slowly eating away at you.

Like all secrets tend to do. Just as mine had been doing.

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Reclaiming my voice

Clarity comes in interesting ways.

The other day I was listening to one of my favorite Life Coaches, Nancy Levin, on Hay House Radio when one of her callers said something that triggered an ah-ha moment for me. And helped me uncover a life-long pattern.

The woman was describing an unkind comment made by a dance teacher she’d had when she was young. It was a thoughtless comment that caused the caller to have doubts about herself and her body image for many years to come.

As the woman told her story I suddenly remembered an incident from my own childhood.

It was a comment made by my grade 4 teacher that ended up having a profound effect on me as well.

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Why blog, you ask?

Believe me, no one is more surprised than I am by the joy I’ve gotten from blogging.

I started not long ago in response to a challenge from a coaching friend of mine. I happened to mention to her in passing that I’d been playing with the idea of blogging for years. The next thing I knew, in classic coaching style, she was holding me accountable for posting my very first blog that same week.

I was terrified at first. But up for the challenge. Because let’s get real, I knew deep down inside of me there was a writer dying to get out.

I’ll never forget the feeling I had when I clicked “publish” that very first time. It was a mixture of pure delight. And absolute fear.

I hardly slept that night.

Looking back I don’t think anyone even read my first blog. Except for the friends I sent it to the next day. 

It was still thrilling nonetheless! Hearing my friends’ words of encouragement gave me the extra nudge I needed to continue down the terrifying path of blogging.

So if I was so terrified, then why blog, you ask?

Why not just continue along the safer path? The one where I write in a private journal like I’ve done for so many years?

Good question. Here’s why.

Blogging lets me speak my truth out loud.

Something I’ve been wanting – no, aching – to do my whole life.

It remindblogging pens me of my younger, carefree days. When I traveled abroad and wrote long heartfelt letters to my friends back home.

I didn’t critique or over-analyze my words, I just lived in the moment and spoke my truth on paper.

At the time it felt wonderfully freeing to express my emotions so openly. So honestly.

Later many of my friends would tell me how much those letters had meant to them. That they’d cherished them like gifts.

Blogging feels like I’m still writing those letters. Still speaking from my heart. Connecting soul to soul with my friends. Still sharing my sacred gifts.

Blogging has given me an outlet for authentic self-expression.

Something I’ve been craving for years.

It’s a way for me to share ALL of me. The parts I often keep protected and hidden from the world.

My superpowers.

The qualities that ultimately make me the best version of myself. My empathy and compassion. Rawness and vulnerability. My humour and my heart.

Blogging lets me connect to all of those. And to share them with others.

And surprise, surprise! That feels pretty darn good. 

(Now it’s your turn. Can you think of an example from your own life of something you really love to do…that expresses who you are? If so, I’d love to hear from you in the comment section below.)