Reconnecting with my intuition

Earlier this month I was feeling quite lost. Unsure of where I was headed. And what I wanted.

What I really, really wanted in life.

And that was causing me a lot of anxiety. As facing the unknown often does.

I was used to hearing the voice of my intuition.

To knowing what felt right, and what I wanted. To life being a bit more black and white. 

The grey zone was just not my thing.

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You gotta feel to heal

I once heard grief is like a thumbprint. That no two are alike.

Now, more than ever, I really get that. 

Grief is different for everyone.

fingerprint-150159__340After losing my mother a few months ago, I began my own roller coaster ride of grief.

Sometimes I felt terribly sad. That she, my one and only mother, had permanently left this world. 

I didn’t care that she was almost 92. And had lived a long life. She was still my mother. And she was gone. Forever.

How could that possibly be? It shocked me to my core. And hurt like hell.

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Letting go of my mother 

Today I took a magical walk with a sea otter. 

I was out on the seawall in the a light spring rain thinking about my mother. Contemplating what was going to happen to her. 

I’d just visited her a few days prior and knew in my heart she was not long for this world. 

My son and I had gone to see her in the care facility she was living. We were shocked by the rapid decline she’d made since our last visit.

Her face looked gaunt and hollow. Her body frail and weak. Her skin ever so pale and delicate. Deep down some part of me knew that she was finally giving up the fight. 

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The truth will set you free

The other week I had an epiphany.

It was time for me to tell the truth. The real truth.

I’d been holding onto something that I needed to share. For the sake of my own sanity. And my health.

It’s ironic really.

As a Life Coach it’s the last thing I’d recommend anyone do: hold onto a secret. Especially one that’s slowly eating away at you.

Like all secrets tend to do. Just as mine had been doing.

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The power of knowing your superpowers

Do you know what you superpowers are?

The gifts you were born with that make you uniquely you? The ones you were meant to share with the world?

Recently I was reminded of mine. And the timing couldn’t have been more perfect!

unsplash-logoEd LeszczynsklI was in the middle of a challenging situation with a colleague. I was feeling criticized and dismissed. As though I was just a number.

 

A cog in the wheel. Nothing special.

The exact opposite of how I believe we all deserve to feel.

As a result, my confidence was taking a hit. I began second-guessing myself. And everything I said or did.

I felt like I was walking on eggshells (always a bad sign for a recovering people-pleaser like me).

I knew I was not acting in alignment with my true self.

My intuition was on high alert. My brain began screaming “danger, danger, pay attention!”

So I decided to take a step back and analyze the situation a bit more carefully. To sit with my anxiety instead of run from it. To see what my body – always a barometer for my soul – had to say.

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Am I worthy of love?

A girlfriend of mine recently said something that gave me pause.

Perhaps I hadn’t yet found a man worthy of me.

Worthy of me?

What a concept! It seems so basic. 

Yet I realized the truth of it as soon as she said it. That I’ve actually had it backwards all my life.

I’ve been trying to prove to men that I’m worthy of them.

I’ve worked so hard to show them that I’m good, kind, smart, and capable.

And even more, that I’m not too needy, too emotional, or lord help me, too dependent! For fear they would run in the opposite direction.

Ugh. Seriously?! Wtf is up with that?

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Reclaiming my voice

Clarity comes in interesting ways.

The other day I was listening to one of my favorite Life Coaches, Nancy Levin, on Hay House Radio when one of her callers said something that triggered an ah-ha moment for me. And helped me uncover a life-long pattern.

The woman was describing an unkind comment made by a dance teacher she’d had when she was young. It was a thoughtless comment that caused the caller to have doubts about herself and her body image for many years to come.

As the woman told her story I suddenly remembered an incident from my own childhood.

It was a comment made by my grade 4 teacher that ended up having a profound effect on me as well.

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