good enough

Moving through my fear

For over a year now I’ve had a burning desire to post videos on social media. I’ve always enjoyed being in front of an audience, so it’s no big surprise.

But what is surprising (at least to me) is that I wasn’t making it happen.

No matter how much I wanted to, I just couldn’t take any action.

I felt frustrated and stuck.

I was paralyzed with fear. Of putting myself out there.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Every time I got close to posting something I’d think: “don’t be ridiculous, who the heck is going to watch you?”

Am I this? Or am I that?

For as long as I can remember I’ve been asking myself the BIG questions in life.

What’s my purpose? Why am I here? What should I be when I grow up?

Well I’m all grown up now (and have been for a while), so it may seem odd to hear that I still struggle with these questions.

But struggle I do.

You see while I may be a life coach with a passion for personal growth, I’m also a huge numbers geek.

Am I worthy of love?

A girlfriend of mine recently said something that gave me pause.

Perhaps I hadn’t yet found a man worthy of me.

Worthy of me?

What a concept! It seems so basic. 

Yet I realized the truth of it as soon as she said it. That I’ve actually had it backwards all my life.

I’ve been trying to prove to men that I’m worthy of them.

I’ve worked so hard to show them that I’m good, kind, smart, and capable.

And even more, that I’m not too needy, too emotional, or lord help me, too dependent! For fear they would run in the opposite direction.

Ugh. Seriously?! Wtf is up with that?