Boundary setting scripts are word-for-word lines you reach for in the moment you freeze, over-explain, or give in anyway.
Most of us don’t struggle with knowing our limit. We struggle with finding the words to say it out loud.
Recently I was chatting with a small group of women, when one of them told us she’d just returned from her annual summer vacation at her cabin.
“Ooh, that sounds like fun!” I said.
“Unfortunately, it wasn’t this year.”
When her family and friends showed up, they’d brought along their kids, friends, and dogs. So she’d ended up with a cabin full of people.
She was constantly cooking meals, changing sheets, and cleaning up after everyone.
By the end of her so-called holiday, she was done.
She already had a list of what she’d do differently next year.
What she didn’t have yet were the words — the boundary setting scripts — to actually say it out loud.
“It’s not in her nature”
I encouraged her to listen to that — to what this year’s experience was actually telling her. And to ask herself what she might do differently next year.
She hesitated, then admitted she’d already started her list.
“Bravo you!” I said, clapping my hands.
But I could tell she was already second-guessing herself.
“How do I tell everyone it can’t happen this way anymore?”
So I said: you just tell them.
You say the holiday felt too busy this year, and that you and your husband are going to do things differently next year. Then you set some clear parameters for how you want it to look.
Because if you don’t speak up, you’ll end up in the exact same place next year. Resenting everyone for not honouring boundaries you never said out loud.
And that’ll be on you. A choice you’re making. Not them.
(She didn’t love hearing that. No one ever does.)
As she left, I smiled and called out — good luck setting your boundary!
Another woman turned to me, almost protectively.
“But it’s not in her nature.”
And honestly? That one kind of irked me. Cuz even though it sounded protective. It wasn’t.
It was a way of keeping her small. Saying this is just who she is, and always will be.
Except it’s not true.
It’s not who she is — it’s just what she’s used to.
Boundary setting is a skill, not a personality trait
For years, setting a boundary didn’t feel like it was in my nature either. I was raised to be a good girl…the one who said yes to everything, and quietly resented everyone for it.
Here’s the thing I wish someone had told me back then:
It was never about whether it’s in your nature. Or whether it feels comfortable. Or whether others finally decide to honour your boundaries or not.
It’s finding the words. And saying them.
(Even when it feels hard, scary, or icky…or you feel guilty.)
Then saying them again. And again.
That’s it. That’s the whole skill.
And it’s one you build, not one you’re born with.
Boundary setting scripts won’t do the work for you — but they’ll get you started
Not magic words that’ll make someone suddenly understand or back down. Just words to help you say the hard thing. And keep saying it until it gets easier.
(Cuz take it from me, the recovering people-pleaser, it will get easier.)
It’s not that it isn’t in your nature.
It’s just that nobody ever handed you the permission or the words — or told you you’d have to say them more than once before they’d finally stick.
That’s exactly why I put together a free guide — What to Say When You Need to Hold a Boundary — with word-for-word boundary setting scripts for the moments you freeze, over-explain, or give in.
Kerry xo