If you’ve ever asked yourself “Why am I so unhappy when I have everything?” it’s usually not the job, the title, or the life you’ve built.
It’s that somewhere along the way, you started living by what looks responsible instead of what actually matters to you.
I hear it from the women I work with all the time…
“Some things are lacking in my life, like fulfillment in my job.”
“I’m just getting through work for the paycheque.”
“I’ve been working in the same job for decades…my life has become very narrow.”
I know that feeling. And one of the clearest moments I’ve had around it came down to seven words from a co-worker years ago:
“Wow, I wish I could do that.”
Those were her words, right after I told her I was quitting my full-time job to move to Japan for a year.
She’d been at her job for years, and seemed pretty bored and unhappy.
(I used to walk past her desk and catch her sleeping…head down in the middle of her workday! 😲)
When your life looks good on paper
And there I was, in my fancy window office on the 27th floor, in a marketing job that paid really well and looked great on paper.
I thought I’d arrived. Cuz on paper, I had everything.
So why was I so unhappy?
Honestly? I felt stressed out most of the time.
Surrounded by people who were very nice, but were not my people. Using every skill I had — except the ones I enjoyed using.
It’s a choice. And I made mine.
Then out of nowhere, a cool opportunity appeared for my then-husband (now ex) and me…
To move to Fujieda, Japan for a year to teach English.
And I knew in my heart…
It was now or never.
So when I heard my co-worker’s words “I wish I could do that” I remember thinking:
Well, you can (if you want to). It’s a choice. And I’m making mine.
I wasn’t choosing recklessness.
I was choosing fun, travel, and adventure. The things I’d always valued most in life.
The ones I’d been quietly starving for while sitting in my beautiful, 27th floor, window office — feeling flat instead of inspired.
Why you can feel so unhappy when you have everything
Your values don’t ask for your permission.
They just sit there, quietly waiting for you to notice them again.
(Hello Kerry. Over here! Don’t forget about me!👋)
Mine had been asking for my attention for several years. I just hadn’t been listening, because that job seemed way too cushy to walk away from.
When you’ve forgotten you’re allowed to want more
And I wasn’t the only one.
My co-worker wasn’t stuck because she couldn’t leave.
She was stuck because she’d stopped asking herself what truly mattered — and started living by what looked responsible instead.
Maybe she’d forgotten she was allowed to want more? Maybe she’d never known it in the first place?
I’ll never know.
But I do think about her sometimes — I hope she found her own version of Japan.
I hear echoes of her in my coaching work too.
As one client put it recently: “I’m not sure how to leave something that’s the only thing I’ve ever done.”
Your version won’t look like mine
You don’t need to quit your job or move across the world to listen to your values though.
(Japan was my version back then…before divorce and single parenthood. Mine would look different today. Yours will too.)
You just have to start noticing them again.
If you’re not sure what your values are…
The things you’d choose if you stopped asking what made sense and started asking what makes you feel alive…
That’s exactly what my free values guide: What Do I Actually Want? (A Guide to Help You Identify Your Top Values And Get Back To What Matters Most) walks you through.
A few honest questions, a list to circle, and a simple way to narrow it down to what feels like yours.
It’s short and practical. Just a way back to what matters most to you.
A client told me recently that it really helped her clarify her values, and gave her a lens for making decisions moving forward.
Kerry xo