Every spring, something wakes me up. Not an alarm. Not my phone.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
For a split second I think…what’s all that racket?
And then I smile.
Ohhhhh. It’s just Woody.
If you’ve been feeling the quiet pull to stop playing small — to live a little more honestly and fully as yourself — you’re not alone.
That feeling tends to show up for a reason. And sometimes it arrives in the most unexpected ways.
The Bird Who Has Never Once Doubted His Right to Be Heard
“Woody” is the nickname I’ve given the northern flicker (aka a brown woodpecker) who shows up on the metal chimney cover outside my condo every March.
If you’ve never heard a flicker tapping on metal before, it’s surprisingly loud.
Apparently this is how male flickers attract a mate.
No flowers. No poetry.
Just: “HELLO. I’M HERE.”
I’ve lived in this condo with my son for over twenty years, which means I’ve been woken up by roughly twenty versions of Woody — since flickers only live about nine years, it’s probably been Woody 1, then Woody 2, maybe Woody Jr. or some distant cousin who inherited our chimney.
But the message is always the same.
Every spring, some determined little flicker lands on the chimney and makes sure the whole neighbourhood knows he exists.
As I lay there listening one morning, I found myself smiling and thinking:
Yeah, I soooo get you, dude.
What It Feels Like When You’re Ready to Stop Playing Small
Because lately I’ve been feeling something similar stirring in me too.
A desire to live my life a little louder.
To step more fully into my strengths.
To let go of things I simply don’t want to do anymore.
And be OK with that.
To care a little less about what others think of me, and a lot more about what I think of me.
And honestly?
There’s a huge sense of relief in that.
The kind that says:
It’s OK to be me.
All of me.
I think a lot of women reach a point in their lives where this feeling surfaces.
Not a dramatic crisis. Just a quiet, persistent nudge that something has shifted — and the way you’ve been living no longer quite fits.
You’re not falling apart.
You’re just done making yourself smaller.
Why We Shrink in the First Place
Here’s what I’ve noticed over years of working with women in transition: playing small rarely feels like a choice in the moment.
It feels like being reasonable. Responsible. Keeping the peace.
It looks like going along with things that don’t sit right. Staying quiet when you have something to say. Choosing what looks sensible over what feels true.
And it happens so gradually that by the time you notice it, you’ve been doing it for years.
The women I work with aren’t timid. They’re capable, thoughtful, and perceptive.
They’ve just spent a long time putting everyone else’s comfort ahead of their own inner knowing.
Stopping that pattern doesn’t happen all at once.
It usually starts with something small — a preference you actually say out loud, a boundary you hold, a choice you make from an actual desire rather than what’s expected.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
You Don’t Have to Earn the Right to Take Up Space
Here’s what Woody has never once questioned: whether he deserves to be heard.
He just shows up. Taps away.
And trusts that the right flicker will hear him.
Living more fully as yourself doesn’t require a dramatic overhaul.
Or a perfectly timed moment of readiness.
It usually starts much smaller — and much quieter — than that.
But it does require deciding that your voice, your needs, your preferences matter enough to stop shrinking around them.
A Place to Start
If this is resonating, I created a free guide that might help:
How to Stop Second-Guessing Yourself
Inside you’ll find practical ways to quiet the doubt, trust what you already know, and stop asking everyone else before you ask yourself.
In the meantime, if you hear a mysterious tapping sound on your roof one of these mornings, it might just be a flicker doing his annual reminder…
That it’s perfectly OK to take up space in the world.
And live a little louder while you’re at it.
Kerry xo