I was enjoying a good ole vent session with a friend a few years ago — telling her how frustrated I was about a decision I’d just made the day before.
When, in my typical people-pleasing-way, I’d said yes to something I shouldn’t have.
I’d agreed to co-host an event with someone I was no longer ‘simpatico’ with.
And ever since, I’d been caught in a wave of regret.
But I’d convinced myself it was too late.
I was on the hook, and had to follow through with what I’d said I’d do. End of story.
I mean…
How irresponsible of me not to! How rude to back out! And how selfish of me to let someone down!
(At least that’s what my inner mean girl — aka harsh inner critic — kept shouting).
I felt sick.
Cuz everything in me KNEW I did NOT want to do that event!
But I tried hard to override that knowing. Shove it waaaaay down. And do the so-called right thing.
It wasn’t until I shared my feelings with a friend, and she said these magic words, that everything shifted:
“You have the right to change your mind.”
Scuze me? What? I do?!
Then bam, it hit me…
Yes! Of course I do!!
I have the right to change my mind!
(And you do, too!)
Sure, it isn’t always easy to change your mind.
In fact it can feel down right scary to reverse a decision and go back on what you said.
You might feel like you’re a bad person.
Selfish. Rude. Unkind.
Especially if you’ve been raised to be a responsible good girl…
To honour your word, follow through on your promises, and never, ever let others down.
No. Matter. What.
(Even if it means throwing yourself under the proverbial bus!)
But that day, with my friend’s support, I made a different choice.
Instead of doing something because I thought I should…and putting someone else’s needs above my own…
I chose ME.
I put on my big girl pants and told the truth.
Admitted I’d said yes too quickly and that the event simply wasn’t a good fit for me.
Then I let go and trusted they could take care of themselves (which they did). And I finally took care of me.
It was incredibly freeing.
Since then, the words “you have the right to change your mind” have helped me (and my coaching clients) many times.
Take this past week, for example.
I was wrestling with another commitment — this time one I’d made to myself.
I’d recently decided to launch a new online course.
But after much reflection (i.e. staring at my ceiling at 2am) I realized I’d bitten off far more than I could chew.
So I listened to my overwhelm. My anxiety.
And my desire for more ease (my word of the year).
And I honoured the truth: I always have the right to change my mind…
So I delayed the launch.
Instant relief. My whole body relaxed. I could finally breathe again.
Which lets me know I’ve done the right thing. For me.
(Your body always knows your truth).
So if ever you find yourself feeling trapped, anxious, or overwhelmed by your commitments…
And saying yes when maybe you wanted to say no, try this:
- Pause and step back.
- Get honest about what you really want (what feels kind and true for you).
- Give yourself full permission to change your mind.
Cuz contrary to what you might’ve been taught, you don’t have to follow through on everything you’ve ever agreed to.
Life happens. Plans change.
And sometimes your heart pulls you in a new direction.
That’s OK. Normal. Human.
We all make hasty decisions. We all overcommit.
And say yes to things we wished we’d said no to.
So cut yourself some slack. Have your own back.
And remind yourself — again and again — that you have the right to change your mind.
Then go do what feels best for you.
Kerry xo
P.S. If you struggle with overcommitting or feeling guilty when you change your mind, grab my free guide: How to Stop Overcommitting Yourself: 10 Steps to Set Better Boundaries & Protect Your Time, Energy & Emotional Well-Being. It’ll help you honour what’s right for you — even when it’s hard.