I boarded the Queen of Surrey at 9:30am on a Tuesday, settled into the sun on the top deck, and waited.
And waited.
“Mechanical difficulties.”
Two and a half hours later, the ferry was still docked in Horseshoe Bay. And the trip I’d planned wasn’t happening.
Here’s the thing though:
It turned into one of the best days I’d had in a while.
Not because something better came along.
Because I already knew what I was actually looking for, and I found it anyway.
Knowing what you really want isn’t about having the right plan.
It’s about knowing what you’re hungry for underneath the plan.
When you know that, you can find it almost anywhere. Even on a broken-down ferry that never left the dock.
The trip wasn’t really about Gibsons
I’d planned a day trip: a short ferry over to Gibsons, lunch with my sister-in-law, a bit of an adventure.
But when I’m honest about what I was actually craving, it wasn’t Gibsons specifically. It wasn’t that particular ferry ride.
Three of my top values are fun, adventure, and connection.
That’s what I was hungry for when I made the plan. The destination was just one way to get there.
In the two and a half hours I spent “stuck” at Horseshoe Bay, here’s what actually happened:
I met Rigby: a deaf twelve-year-old Nova Scotian Duck Toller who was both gorgeous and very patient with the delay.
I got talking to a woman from Frankfurt whose husband of 53 years had recently passed away. Her sister, who’s lived in Vancouver for 40 years, joined us, and the three of us chatted on the upper deck for about 30 minutes.
When the captain announced we’d be delayed even further, I decided to get off the boat.
As a walk-on passenger, I could. (The car passengers didn’t arrive in Gibsons for another four hours.)
From there: a walk along the beach, pictures of the ocean, a yummy croissant from a bakery on the water, a thirteen-year-old Mini Goldendoodle named Chili on the patio, a full refund at the terminal, and a nice bus ride home.
Fun. Adventure. Connection.
Over and over again, in small moments I never could’ve scheduled.
Not once did I feel frustrated or angry. Instead I got curious about what the day wanted to be…not what I thought it should be.
That’s what knowing your values does.
What you’re really asking when you say “I want a vacation”
I’ve been coaching women through life transitions for almost twenty years, and one of the most common things I notice is this:
We think we know what we want, but we’re often describing the container, not the thing inside it.
“I want a vacation” is a container. What’s inside it?
Rest? Freedom? Novelty? Time with people you love? Time alone? Being somewhere that feeds your soul?
“I want a new job” is a container. What’s inside?
Respect? Challenge? Meaning? Flexibility? A chance to actually use what you’re good at?
“I want more time to myself” is a container. What’s inside?
Quiet? Movement? Space to think? Permission to stop being needed for five minutes?
When you skip past the container and go straight to what’s actually inside → that’s when you start to know what you really want.
And once you know that, you have so much more flexibility. Because you’re no longer dependent on one specific outcome to feel like the day worked.
This is especially true if you’ve lost touch with yourself somewhere along the way…which is more common than most women want to admit.
Why plans falling apart doesn’t have to mean losing what you were looking for
Most of us treat a disrupted plan like a loss. The thing we wanted is gone.
But if what you wanted was the feeling — the connection, the rest, the beauty, the aliveness — then it’s rarely as gone as it seems.
When I got off that ferry, I wasn’t thinking “well, this is a disaster.”
I was thinking: what does this day want to be?
That question only works if you know what you were seeking in the first place.
Without your values as a compass, a disrupted plan is just a disrupted plan. With them, it’s an invitation to find what you were looking for somewhere unexpected.
This is one of the quieter gifts of values work. And it’s something I come back to again and again in my coaching practice.
Not as a framework to follow, but as a way of staying oriented when life doesn’t cooperate.
Part of that is learning to notice when your body is telling you something — that low-grade restlessness that shows up when something important isn’t being honoured.
So, what do you really want?
When you say you want a break, or more time to yourself, or something to change…what are you actually craving?
Is it quiet? Movement? People?
Beauty? Laughter?
Being somewhere different, or just somewhere that feeds your soul?
These aren’t rhetorical questions. They’re worth sitting with.
Because once you know what you’re really looking for, you’ll find it in places you’d never expect.
A delayed ferry. An unplanned afternoon. A conversation with a stranger and his twelve-year-old dog.
The plan doesn’t have to go right for the day to be good.
You just have to know what good actually means to you.
And if you’re not sure yet, that’s exactly where to start.
What Do I Actually Want? is a free guide that helps you identify your top values and get back to what matters most.
Three reflection questions, a values list, and a simple process for narrowing it all down to what’s actually yours.
Download the free guide here →
Kerry