I used to be a ‘yes’ person.
AKA: a people-pleaser.
โIf someone asked me to do something, Iโd jump in with both feet.
And say yes without hesitation.
โBut that wasn’t always the best thing to do.
Sometimes I’d say yes to things I wish I hadn’t.
โAnd afterwards Iโd feel resentful & angry.
Occasionally at others.
But mostly at myself. โ
โFor not taking the time to figure out what my true answer was.
โBeforeย I’d said yes.
โLike many women, I was taught to say yes.โ
To self-sacrifice.
To focus on everyone elseโs needs instead of my own.
Because that’s what good girls shouldย do.
โ(Ugh. I call bullsh*t!)
โEventually I learned the hard way.
And had my big wake up call…when my marriage fell apart in 2004.
Later, my therapist told me that every time I’d said yes to my ex (& others) when I’d wanted to say no, I’d abandoned myself.
And given my power away.
โDing, ding, ding!
No more of *that* I decided.
And thus began my journey to self-empowerment.
Over the years, I’ve learned how to set healthier boundaries.
To say no to requests when they didn’t feel right.
And yes when they did.
โAnd most importantly, I’ve learned to always have my own back.
โHowever, truth be told, I still say yes too quickly sometimes.
Like the other week for example.
When I agreed to go to an event with a group of people downtown.
โOnly to realize a few days later (after sitting with my feelings) that I didnโt want to go at all.
โAnd that I should have said no.
Instead of yes.
โIn the midst of trying to figure out what to do, I remembered these powerful words my friend Shelly taught me years ago:
โโYou have the right to change your mind.โ
โOMG. Yessss!
โOf course I do.
โWe ALL do.
โEven when you say yes initially, you have the right to say no later.
โBecause sometimes, after the dust settles, & you’ve had a chance to process how you reallyย feel, you arrive at a different decision.
โAnd thatโs ok. Nothing’s set in stone.
โThe most important thing is to honour yourself & your needs.
โAnd trust that others can & will do the same for themselves.
โ’Cuz thatโs notย yourย job.
Thatโsย theirs.
โโYour job is to honourย your *truth*.
And to be brave enough to speak your ‘no’ (with as much kindness & grace as possible).
No matter how itโs received by others.
โEven (especially) when itโs difficult, scary, or feels almost impossible to do.
Because that’s when your biggest growth happens!
(Hellooooo self-empowerment!)
โAnd if that doesn’t convince you, then think of it this way…
โWhen you give yourself permission to changeย yourย mind, you give others permission to changeย theirs.
โAnd everyone’s free to be their truest, most authentic self.
It’s a win-win for all!โ
So as you move into the busy holiday season (where the pressure to say yes to all sorts of things builds)โฆ
Take some time to check in with yourself. And your intuition.
Get clear on what works for you. And what doesn’t.
And remember, even if you say yes in the moment (like I did) & later realize you should have said no…
โYou have the right to change your mind.ย โ
Always.
So be brave, honour your truth & speak up.
โKerry xo