I’ll admit it. I’m a self-help junkie.
I’ve been flipping the pages of self-help books since I was 20.
Ever since my friend Joy and I moved to Toronto (& later Germany) to pursue our modeling dreams.
We’d met in a Vancouver beauty pageant — when she was Miss Victoria and I was Miss North Shore.
And then on a sudden “let’s go be supermodels!” whim, we decided to move across the country together!
Bless our brave, innocent 20-year-old hearts! โค๏ธ
It was during that time in Toronto that Joy introduced me to my very first self-help book: Living, Loving & Learning by Leo Buscaglia.
(You may have heard of him…he had five books on the NY Times bestseller list and was a regular on PBS).
Feeling homesick in my new surroundings, Leo’s words comforted and inspired me.
Thus began my life-long addiction to self-help & personal development.
Several years later I signed up for my first self-improvement course. Long after I’d moved home to Vancouver. And laid my modelling dreams to rest.
(It was hard to feel passionate about an industry that went against my own grain. I wanted to be valued for WHO I was, not what I looked like).
And just like Leo’s book, my first self-help course on assertiveness changed my life.
I still remember the teacher’s name who taught it (hello Deborah Fish wherever you are!).
As a people-pleaser, I felt very ‘unassertive’ back then. I’d spent years molding myself around others.
And having no idea how to say NO or set boundaries.
I’d been trained to say YES.
Remember that Life Cereal commercial โLetโs get Mikeyโ?
Well I was Mikey…
“Letโs get Kerry! Sheโll do it!”
I was desperate to learn how NOT to be Mikey…
How to feel more empowered instead.
So I could stop saying yes to the people and things that didn’t feel good.
My weekly assertiveness course turned out to be just the kick in the pants I needed.
After the first couple of classes though I got stuck.
Going from an automatic yes-person to one who could firmly say no was waaaaay too difficult for me (as it is for many of the women I coach).
But Deborah Fish delivered. She taught me a few key phrases to buy me more time.
So I could process how I really felt, make conscious decisions, and set better boundaries.
Ones that felt right for me. Without all the guilt.
I still use those phrases in my life. As well as all the other tips I learned.
And now I teach them to my clients.
So if you struggle with saying no, I get it.
Setting firm and healthy boundaries can be difficult.
And it takes time.
But the more you practice, the easier it gets.
That’s why I created The Ultimate Guide to Setting Healthy Boundaries & Saying No Without Guilt.
It’s full of practical tips and word-for-word scripts (including the ones Ms. Fish taught me!) to help you speak up and take control of your own happiness.
It’s my way of sharing some of the powerful lessons I received all those years ago, from the late Leo Buscaglia and the fabulous Deborah Fish.
Because you deserve to be yourself, speak your truth, and live life on your own terms.
Kerry xo