Did you know that you have the right to change your mind?
That if you say yes to someone’s request, you can turn around and say ‘no’ later?
I didn’t.
For years I was a people-pleasing âyesâ person.
If someone made a request of me, Iâd say yes without hesitation.
But it got me into all sorts of trouble.
Not huge trouble.
Just the âwhy did I say yes, I donât really want to do itâ kind.
The kind that put someone elseâs need before my own.
The kind that made me resentful and angry.
Like they should have known better than to ask me in the first place.
When really it was me that should have known better.
Me that should have checked in with myself first.
To find out if saying yes felt right for me.
And met MY needs.
Because saying ânoâ is always an option.
It took me a long time to understand this though.
I hadnât been taught to say no, especially to those in power.
I hadnât been taught to even know what my own needs were.
Let alone that it was ok to meet them..
Iâd learned to put others needs before my own.
Almost always.
And even if/when I did know what I wanted or needed, saying no to someoneâs request seemed too scary for me.
I didnât want to disappoint people.
Or let them down.
Or heaven forbid, be called âselfish.â
But all that changed during my divorce 15+ years ago.
When my therapist taught me that by saying yes to others, when I really meant no, I was letting myself down.
She taught me that it was ok – essential in fact – to have my own back.
To meet my own needs.
She taught me to set good boundaries.
And to say no when it didnât feel right for me.
With time and practice I got better at it…knowing what did and didnât work for me.
And I got much better at saying no.
But occasionally I would still say yes to requests in the moment.
Only to realize later I should have said no.
In the middle of one of those times my good friend said: âyou know you have the right to change your mind, Kerry?â
It was a huge light bulb moment for me.
Yessss!
I have the right to change my mind!
We ALL do.
Even when you say yes initially, you can later turn around and say no.
Sometimes you get new information, or things change for you.
Or you arrive at a different decision after processing how you really feel.
And thatâs ok.
Thatâs your right.
The most important thing is to honour yourself.
And to honour your truth.
To have your own back.
And to trust that others can and will take care of themselves.
Or they can find someone else to meet their need.
Thatâs not your job.
Because the people that truly care about you will respect your honesty.
And your boundaries.
But even if they donât (because people may still try and steamroll over you to get their own need met) itâs up to YOU to honour your own truth.
It’s up to you to honour your own boundaries.
It’s only when you do, that you give the world the best — most authentic — version of you.
And you role model for others that it’s ok for them to honour themselves as well.
And thatâs win-win for everyone.
So remember, you ALWAYS have the right to change your mind.
No matter what.
Kerry xo
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P.S. here’s a link to my YouTube video: You have a right to change your mind