I was in my local Starbucks the other day, when I heard a woman say to her friend:
“How do you know when to suck it up and stick to your commitment? Or back out and call it quits?”
Not gonna lie…
It took everything for me not to jump into the middle of that conversation and add my two cents!
But I restrained myself.
Instead I grabbed my grande chai latte from the coffee bar. And walked out the door.
But her question got me thinking…
How DO you know when to back out of a commitment?
And call it quits?
Especially in a world where being a “quitter” is seen as a huge flaw.
Case in point…
A responsible, hard-working coaching client of mine said to me recently:
“I declined an invite to an event because the pressure was just too much. I instantly felt relieved. But I also felt like a big quitter.”
As a recovering people-pleaser and former good girl, I can relate.
Backing out of something that I’ve already committed to can be haaaaard!
It can dredge up all sorts of fear and anxiety… 😬
Of letting others down. Disappointing them. Or making them angry.
I’m guessing you may feel that way, too.
When you say yes to something that sounded perfectly do-able at the time…
Then later…
Not so much!
At that point, it’s easy to feel like you’re stuck. With no way out.
So whaddaya do?
Do you suck it up and just do the darn thing?
Attend the dinner party you’re too tired to go to?
Buy the gift you can’t afford?
Invite your mother-in-law to stay with you when you don’t even really like her?
(In other words…do you throw yourself under the bus for the sake of another?)
OR do you bail to save yourself? And risk letting others down?
Well I’m gonna tell you two things I’ve learned over the years…
That I shared with my client (and wished I coulda shared with that woman in Starbucks)…
1. Take time to get clear on what YOU really want.
Pause, step back, get quiet.
Give yourself as much time and space as YOU need to get in touch with what feels right for YOU.
Cuz I’m guessing you’re probably not someone who flakes out on others a lot — or gives up easily.
(You probably wouldn’t be reading this if you were)
So it’s time you cut yourself some slack. Let go of all those ‘shoulds’.
And give yourself permission to do what’s in your heart. ❤️
You’ve earned it my friend.
2. You have the right to change your mind.
Read that again!
You have the right to change your mind.
Yes. You. Do!
So any time you wanna back out of something that doesn’t feel right for you, but find yourself hesitating, repeat those ^^ words to yourself.
Cuz you are allowed to change your mind.
And if/when you do decide to back out of a commitment…
In other words: when your ambivalent YES becomes a very clear NO…
But you’re not quite sure how to do it (without feeling icky or guilty)…
Grab my FREE guide: How to Stop Overcommitting Yourself
Where you’ll learn 10 simple steps to help you set clear and firm boundaries that will:
- honour your values
- protect your time and energy
- nurture your well-being
As well as how to hold your head high as you back out of a commitment with grace!
So if you’re an uber-responsible over-committer…
(Or a recovering people-pleasing, good girl like me)…
Who keeps saying yes to ALL THE THINGS…
But you end up feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and wishing you could just quit the darn thing — this guide’s for you!
Kerry xo