Did you know that you have the right to change your mind?
That if you say yes to someone’s request, you can turn around and say no later?
I didn’t.
For years I was a people-pleasing yes-person.
If someone made a request of me, I’d say yes without hesitation.
But it got me into all sorts of trouble.
Not huge trouble.
Just the “why did I say yes, I don’t really want to do it” kind.
The kind that had me play small, dim my own light, and put someone else’s needs before my own.
The kind that made me resentful and angry.
Like they should have known better than to ask me in the first place.
When really it was me that should have known better.
Me that should have checked in with myself first.
To find out if saying yes felt right for me.
And met MY needs.
Because saying “no” is always an option.
It took me a long time to understand this though.
I hadn’t been taught to say no, especially to those in power.
I hadn’t been taught to even know what my own needs were.
Let alone that it was ok to meet them.
I’d been taught to be a responsible, good girl.
I’d learned to put others needs before my own.
Almost always.
And even if/when I did know what I wanted or needed, saying no to someone’s request seemed too scary for me.
I didn’t want to disappoint people.
Or let them down.
Or heaven forbid, be called selfish.
But all that changed during my divorce years ago.
When my therapist taught me that by saying yes to others, when I really meant no, I was letting myself down.
She taught me that it was ok — essential in fact — to have my own back.
To meet my own needs.
She taught me to set good boundaries.
And to say no when it didn’t feel right for me.
With time and practice I got better at it…
Knowing what did and didn’t work for me.
And I got much better at saying no.
But occasionally I would still overcommit myself…
Say yes to requests in the moment.
Only to realize later I should have said no.
In the middle of one of those times a friend said…
“You know you have the right to change your mind, don’t you?”
It was a huge light bulb moment for me.
Yessss!
I have the right to change my mind!
We ALL do.
Even when you say yes initially, you can later turn around and say no.
Sometimes you get new information, or things change for you.
Or you arrive at a different decision after slowing down, pausing and connecting with your intuition.
And that’s ok.
That’s your right.
The most important thing is to honour yourself.
And to honour your truth.
To have your own back.
And to trust that others can and will take care of themselves.
Or they can find someone else to meet their needs.
That’s not your job.
Because the people that truly care about you will respect your honesty.
And your boundaries.
But even if they don’t (because people may still try and steamroll over you to get their own need met) it’s up to YOU to honour your own truth.
It’s up to you to honour your own boundaries.
It’s only when you do, that you give the world the best — most authentic — version of you.
And you role model for others that it’s ok for them to honour themselves as well.
And in my opinion, that’s win-win for everyone.
So remember, you ALWAYS have the right to change your mind.
No matter what.
Kerry xo
P.S. If you struggle with feeling guilty when you change your mind, grab my free guide: How to Stop Overcommitting Yourself: 10 Steps to Set Better Boundaries & Protect Your Time, Energy & Emotional Well-Being. It’ll help you honour what’s right for you — even when it’s hard. Or check out my online mini-course: Boundaries Bootcamp where you’ll get practical tools and gentle guidance on how to say no without guilt.